Fat Cat Chef

:: The Fat Cat Skinny ::
Alton Brown's food blog Rants & Raves is a great supplement to Good Eats and to his cookbooks, and Alton's quirky sense of humor makes it an enjoyable read.
:: :: :: ::

In case you can't get enough pearls of wisdom from Good Eats or "I'm Just Here For The Food," Alton Brown's food blog Rants & Raves is another simple -- and free -- way to improve your home cooking skills under the wise tutelage of Alton himself.

With only 30 whirlwind minutes to bring us the best cooking show on TV, Alton uses "Rants & Raves" to supplement the TV show, as well as comment on some of today's hot-button food issues.

But this food blog isn't devoted to just food. Instead, Alton uses the space to share his thoughts on topics as diverse as autos and movies.

The best feature? Well, Alton thankfully brings some perspective to the food issues that dominate the network news. Take the mad cow scare. Alton correctly points out that more people will get sick from restaurant workers who don't wash their hands than from Mad Cow Disease.

It's refreshing to see this type of analysis from someone who lives, breaths -- and yes -- eats food, instead of from those windbag intellectuals who pop up on the News Hour with Jim Lehrer whenever there's a perceived threat to our food supply.

A nice bonus: You'll also get a behind-the-scenes peek at Good Eats, with some funny pictures that'll give you a new perspective on how the TV show comes together.

The only downside is that Rants & Raves isn't updated often enough. After all, Alton is busy filming a new season of Good Eats, writing -- and promoting -- great cookbooks, and being an all-American dad and husband, so hey, we'll cut him some slack.

:: More Fat Stuff ::
Alton Brown's bio on FoodTV and his own website bio (click on "Who's Alton", lower left)

I watched Dweezil and Lisa on Friday nite, and was so underwhelmed I decided not to post anything.

Then I thought to myself: "Fat Cat Self, I wonder if other Fat Cats like this show?"

So I dropped by the FoodTV message boards (you've got to register to get in).

Well, the Dweezil and Lisa Fan Board was definitely abuzz, which is a good sign. But reviews from the Fat Cat Trenches were mixed.

My main beef (with all due respect to the vegetarian Lisa) still comes down to: it just isn't practical.

There aren't any "ah-ha" moments where you're inspired to spend an evening in the kitchen putting your newly-discovered cooking skills to the test.

Take Lisa's visit to the Magnolia Cafe. How did she know that the Magnolia Cafe has great pancakes? Was it word of mouth? A prior random visit? A Citysearch review?

I travel quite a bit, and one of the most challenging things -- aside from the surly TSA security guards -- is finding a good place to eat. It would be great to get the inside scoop on how to find good food in an unfamiliar city.

And again: most Fat Cat Chefs don't have professional chefs stop by and help them get ready for a dinner party.

Maybe there's a niche for "Dweezil and Lisa" out there:

1. As a co-branded MTV program. While I'm not a big music fan, I can see the appeal of following Lisa around (she's really sexy, for one) and watching Dweezil jam in his living room.

On the Food Network, though, it seems out of place.

2. More practical day-to-day cooking tips. Ditch the pro chefs and get back to some everyday cooking. Make us hobby home cooks believe we can whip up some great food.

Also, Dweezil and Lisa lost points when they actually bought that griddle pan... a tool that doesn't satisfy that basic Fat Cat requirement: multi-tasking.

Why buy a tool that only serves one purpose, especially when you can use your cast iron fry pans, a simple non-stick pan or even an electric griddle to make pancakes? You'll get more mileage and versatile use from those tools than you ever will from a griddle pan, plus you'll save yourself some hard-earned cash.

(Also, I didn't see them actually use the griddle pan, though I may have missed it... my eyes were glazed over by that point).

Dweezil and Lisa do get bonus points for turning down that pancake batter dispenser. Fat Cats always think twice when it comes to shelling out $80 for a kitchen gadget like that, especially when you can just as easily use a ladle.

Oh, one final point. I don't mind watching cooking show hosts sample their work, you know, a bite here and a bite there.

But the endless montage of Dweezil and Lisa's rock-n-roll groupie friends mangling their paninis and pancakes was simply disgusting, especially at 10p on a Friday nite.

OK Fat Cats, tonight we have a pancake breakfast (seems kind of odd using "tonight" and "breakfast" in the same sentence) with the Zappa family on "Dweezil and Lisa".

Alton Brown gives us the inside scoop on crock pots, granola and nutrition on tonite's episode of Good Eats: "Oat Cuisine". Watch it at 9pm tonite on FoodTV.

The Fat Cats in Corporate America like to banter about nefarious terms like "accountability" and "responsibility" (yeah, right).

Well, we say screw corporate governance and return on investment, the true test of company success is the food the Fat Cats eat on their way to the corner office.

Thanks to the Wall Street Journal's "The CEO Diet" article (in the Weekend Journal), now we aspiring Fat Kittens can call some of these CEO's to the sideboard and hold THEM accountable for their performance at the old company microwave.

(Note: Because Corporate America loves to dish out forced curves on job performance reviews, you Fat Cat CEO's are going to get graded on a curve too: 1 whisker is great; 3 whiskers and you're on probation.

So regardless whether you're doing a good job or not, some of you will fail. Hey, that's the way the performance curve crumbles. Maybe the failure will make you more hungry to succeed... well, that kind of defeats the purpose of your diet...)

B. Smith, President, B. Smith Enterprises
Weakness: Chicken wings
Grade: 2 whiskers.

Hey B., if you like chicken, go with homemade soup. Buy an organic or all-natural chicken, Empire and Bell and Evans churn out some flavorful, moist yardbirds. Add a nice mix of organic veggies, a homemade broth and splash in some wine.

Sanford Weill, CEO, Citigroup
Weakness: Wine
Grade: 1 whisker

You like wine? Don't see any problems there, my friend. And you get bonus points for exercising.

Paul Charron, CEO, Liz Claiborne
Weakness: His wife's apple pie
Grade: 1 whisker

Sounds like you've got a loved one that bakes Paul. You're a lucky man. Throw some homemade vanilla ice cream on that pie while you're at it, and eat up.

Mark Cuban, Owner, Dallas Mavericks
Weakness: Eats big portions
Grade: 3 whiskers

Mark, stick with high quality ingredients in your meals. Go for the maximum flavor per bite, you'll enjoy your meal more and eat less.

You're a cool guy, but you almost got the dreaded 4 whisker designation not only because you overeat, but because you overeat at McDonald's.

Pamela Liebman, CEO, Corcoran Group
Weakness: Duncan Hines fudge brownies
Grade: 3 whiskers

Tisk tisk Pam. Duncan Hines? Please, it's really really easy to make homemade brownies: butter, unsweetened chocolate, cake flour, baking powder, salt, sugar, eggs and vanilla extract. Mix together. Pour in baking dish.

Now a power broker like you can't be intimidated by this short list of ingredients: it'll take the same amount of time as tearing open that box and adding... well, whatever it is you add to Duncan Hines Brownies (I wouldn't know, nor do I ever intend to find out).

Sweetie, stop by the Fat Cat Kitchen and we'll whip up a delicious batch of homemade brownies; you'll never go back to that imitation dark side again.

(Oh, and undercook your brownies by about 2 minutes, that'll give them a chewy, fudgy consistency).

Leon Cooperman, CEO, Omega Advisors
Weakness: Noshing
Grade: 2 whiskers

Lee, you workout and don't have any bad habits (everyone gabs on their cellphones in public), so you almost got the coveted 1 whisker rating.

But alas, you commit two unforgiveable sins:

1. you nuke veggie burgers in the office microwave. Look, you've got pull around Omega advisors. Ditch the microwave and install a damn toaster oven. Your burgers will taste 150% better (and they won't be rubbery).

2. "I enjoy food, that's my curse." Hey Lee, that's just plain blasphemy. How dare you feel guilty about liking food. That's what we live for here at the Fat Cat Central Command, so eat up and enjoy yourself.

Paul McManus, CEO, Leading Hotels of the World
Weakness: Bread
Grade: 2 whiskers

Ok, the hypnosis thing is pretty creepy, but we'll look the other way. And don't fight that bread urge, regardless of what those Atkins nuts say.

Just find a quality bakery and buy really good Italian rustic bread. It's chewy and takes more effort to eat, so you'll feel more full after a small slice.

Donna Karan, Chief Executive Designer, Donna Karan Int'l
Weakness: Pasta
Grade: 3 whiskers

Donna Donna Donna. You get bonus points for the yoga regimen, but the raw foods thing just doesn't cut it in the Fat Cat Kitchen. And pasta is one of life's simple and most versitile pleasures. Boil some linguine and toss with olive oil and garlic (secret: bring the garlic to a light sizzle over low heat, 2 or 3 minutes max). Filling and really easy to make.

Gary Chapman, CEO, LIN TV
Weakness: Tub of popcorn with movies
Grade: 1 whisker

Hey, it's impossible to watch a movie without popcorn. In fact with the drivel hollywood is pumping out nowadays, it's impossible to watch a movie.

But it's pretty easy to eat popcorn guilt-free: just use a hot air popper (but go easy on the butter).

Now, microwave popcorn. Yeck. Actually, a microwave? Double yeck (get a toaster oven, see Leon Cooperman's reprimand above).

Jonathan Tisch, CEO, Loews Hotels
Weakness: French fries
Grade: 2 whiskers

Yeah, french fries are a killer, tough to cast any stones there. But if possible, deep fry your own. Are they healthier? Nope, but they taste a lot better, and you'll spend more time in your kitchen (always a good way to pass time).

The Golden Whisker Award
Our favorite quote, from Bobby Zarem, Prez of Zarem Inc:

"Mr. Zarem likes nothing more than picking up a dozen Krystal burgers on the way home at night and watching old movies while eating them up. 'Most of these people have nothing else to talk about, they should eat more.'".

Mr. Zarem, you get double bonus points for both the passive aggressive swipe at these socially challenged Fat Cats, as well as encouraging people to eat more.

Stop by the Fat Cat Kitchen anytime Mr. Zarem, we'll throw together some tasty homemade buffalo burgers (and make fun of Corporate America... nah, that's too easy).

I have to sheepishly admit I watched the debut of "Dweezil and Lisa."

Now, we at the Fat Cat Central Command think FoodTV is the cat's meow, but "Dweezil and Lisa" needs to work a little harder to get a couple of paws-up around here.

Overall, the show lacked the hands-on cooking insights to make us Fat Cats better cooks.

Take Good Eats. It's loaded with science, practical how-to's and (most importantly) humor.

Or even Emeril. For all his somewhat annoying "bamming" and "WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!", the guy loves to cook, and you can't help but be inspired to mince some organic shallots and toss them into a hot fry pan.

But watching a couple of youngsters meander about Atlanta -- whether it's in search of good food or not -- would be better suited to a Real World episode on M(indless)TV. And at least with the Real World you get to see sinful youngsters in hot tubs, not crowded around flourescent heat lamps in a cramped industrial kitchen.

Sure, we found out Chef Scott's Carrot Cake secret was Ceylon cinnamon, and that cocoa adds a nice dimension to the carrot base, but it was hardly worth the other 29-1/2 minutes of uninspirational banter.

And what about that trip to the farmer's market? I half expected music from the Psycho shower scene when Dweezil and Lisa ventured to the shadowy meat side of the market.

Still, we love the underlying premise of "Dweezil and Lisa": anything that can get 18-to-34 year old youngsters into the kitchen gets two paws up around here.

But so far "Dweezil and Lisa" lacks that crucial ingredient that has made FoodTV successful: a connection to the audience.

With Good Eats, Alton Brown spends 30 minutes gazing lovingly into the camera and guiding you thru the nuts-and-bolts of, well, good eats. And Emeril spends 60 minutes working a live studio audience into a hungry lather.

"Dweezil and Lisa" would hit a high note if they could just make us humble Fat Cats believe that we, too, can cook great food.

Tonite at 10p on FoodTV "Dweezil and Lisa" graces our spacious living rooms for the first time.

You'll get a music and food-packed tour of Atlanta and watch Dweezil and the sultry Lisa jam with one of the Indigo Girls.

:: More Fat Stuff ::
Dweezil's website -- not the easiest site to navigate...

Lisa Loeb's official website -- the homepage has a New York Post review of "Dweezil and Lisa".

All ye Fat Cats gather round your (Food)TV's for another edge-of-the-couch episode of Good Eats.

Tonite at 9p ET Alton Brown gives us a "primer for buying, storing, mixing and matching, cooking and eating spices".

The Wall Street Journal runs a great piece on pure bred pigs and their superior taste.

Just like the debate over which heritage turkey tastes better, the article lists the tasty pros and cons of various breeds, until Manhattan chef Dan Barber puts the mystery to rest:

"Taste is a function of how the animals are raised and what they eat as much as what their lineage is."

Now there's a man who knows his food. Fat Cats have long known that all-natural, hormone free (and preferably organic) meat, poultry and pork are the way to go for maximum taste per square tastebud.

And with today's mad cow scare, any animal that avoids the evil grip of the factory farm feedlot is one step in the right direction.

So here's your takeaway: no matter which breed you buy, natural pork will beat factory farmed junk anyday.

The WSJ's list of great places to buy pork:

Lobel's of New York

The Pork Board

Berkshire Meats

Prarie Pride Farm of Minnesota

Niman Ranch -- I just had some Niman Ranch bacon for breakfast on Sunday (baked it, of course). This stuff is great: thick cut, marbled, gets two paws up.

The Trader Joe's in Scarsdale, NY sells it, and I believe Whole Foods does also.

:: Fat Cat Tip ::
Try some all-natural pork (hopefully organic) this weekend; bacon is always a good -- and easy -- way to try all-natural pork (not to mention inexpensive).

You probably won't find it at your standard impersonal supermarket chain, so check out Whole Foods, Trader Joe's or your other local purveyors of quality food.

OK, ignore my previous entry. The NY Times seems to have redeemed itself (kinda) with an article about FoodTV's rise from a dinky network to a content powerhouse that reaches 81 million homes.

Getting a solid mention is Dweezil and Lisa, a new show targeted to the ever elusive 18 to 34 year old demographic, which also happens to be FoodTV's fastest growing audience.

Apparently, these two self-styled food lovers -- beloved Fat Cats that they are, no doubt -- will take us on a journey thru the musical and culinary etherworld when it debuts this Friday, January 16.

Dweezil and Lisa is FoodTV's latest attempt to broaden its appeal beyond the standard celebrity chef format by trying to tap into the Reality TV craze.

The article does a fair job (you don't expect me to use "good" and NY Times in the same sentence do you?) of detailing FoodTV's past triumphs as well as its occasional stumbles.

Prime mention of course goes to that cuddly fuzzball Emeril, but some flops are also given equal time, such as Date Plate.

Now you'll never hear the Fat Cat casting any criticism FoodTV's way. A whole network devoted to that most sacred of activities, cooking? We salute you, oh-provider-of-growling-stomachs-everywhere.

So FoodTV's execs can sleep well tonite. And tomorrow nite. There may be another flop or two along the way to eternal greatness, but in the long run FoodTV always comes out on top.

:: More Fat Stuff ::
More about E.W. Scripps Network, the company that brings us these fine programs.

If you're new to cooking, "How to Boil Water" is a great place to start. The pee-wee league of cooking, it's a fantastic way to master the basics.

:: Fat Cat Tip ::
Make sure you watch Alton Brown's Good Eats on Wednesday nights at 9pm, easily the best show on FoodTV.

:: Bonus Fat Cat Tip ::
Oh, and make sure you drop by Alton's website. His "rants and raves" food blog, while not updated as much as us Good Eats fanatics would like, still gives you an inside peek at the making of Good Eats... and more sinisterly, inside Alton's mind...

Fat Cat Chef review of Alton's food weblog

If you're one of those hapless Fat Cat's who subscribes to the NY Times, you know you're forced to endure one intellectual indignity after another.

But today's "Your Money" really crosses the line when Mr. Paul Toback, CEO of Bally's Total Fitness, unnecessarily lashed out at the Fat Cat's favorite food group:

"I am a closet pizzaholic," he said. "I hang my head whenever I see that ad [that shows a string of delivery people bringing pizza, chicken and other fast food to the same house]."

Wait a minute: since when did pizza become a fast food? Most pizza joints I know about take at least 15 minutes to prepare a pie. That may seem fast, but when you're a mogul trying to build an empire, well, that's 15 minutes that could be better spent relentlessly driving your underpaid employees to eek out more productivity gains (and hence pad the profits in your fat pension).

Besides, can you imagine a soccer mom waiting that long for a tasteless meat pattie slathered in a musty sauce and slapped between two soggy buns?

Plus what's wrong with being a pizzaholic? Pizzaholics have contributed great things to this country. So be proud that you're a pizzaholic Mr. Toback, you're helping us unabashed pizza lovers make this country great.

Hopefully the NY Times' overworked public editor will retract this dastardly "fast food" insult.

:: More Fat Stuff ::
Get skinny at Bally Total Fitness. Sure you can "get the results you want for as long as you want"... but why would you want to do that?

:: Fat Cat Tip ::
Find the best pizza in New York City at SliceNY.com.

:: Bonus Fat Cat Tip ::
The best pizza in Westchester County, NY:

Silvio's Ristorante & Pizzeria
Rose Hill Shopping Center
628 Columbus Ave.
Thornwood, NY
914-769-6077
web: www.silviosrestaurant.com
e-mail: info|at|silviosrestaurant.com